Vacation a la Job

Mom wants to take three weeks and go out West, but I am kind of just digging throwing myself into the Life of Now. I would really like to just keep emulsing myself in this job, and discover all of the things this experience can teach me because it will be over before I know it--it's already almost over. I like being busy. I like spending 8 hours at work, going straight to rehersal, and not getting home till 10, weak and tired and starving. I like being sticky and smelly after a day's work--it makes me feel like I have really worked hard and accomplished something great, even if that is only pushing myself and my body to the limit (even if the "limit" is just a little beyond normal activity).

I like confronting my weaknesses.

I like meeting new people.

I'm fascinated by how solitary a job working with other people really is.

I like the self satisfaction of seeing a line moving quickly down the queueueueueue because I am doing my job, and doing it well. I like doing more then the expected. I like the respect I get because of it. More then that, I like the feeling inside that I get because of it.

I like being criticized--I like discovering what I can do better.

I love scrimping and scraping for time to spend with the people I love. I love thinking about it, and planning it, and finally going out of my way to spend a second with the people I care about. I love that it's enough for me. That I can carry a single text message in my heart and a song in my soul with me all day. The seperation is hard. The distance is hard. The time away is hard. But I appreciate everything so much more (I didn't know it was possible). It makes me stronger, and it makes me feel deeper--on levels I didn't know existed, in places I had forgotten about. (in my simplicity the one thing I want more of is you, and I realize it more every day)

I like working. Maybe I'll be tired of it in a couple of weeks, but I feel pretty broken right now, and I just want more. Everyone smiles there. But not the fake Disney smile. The break room smile. The smile you just can't get off of your face no matter how hard you try because calling that little girl "Princess" just made her day...because you just saw three Thompson's Gazelle chasing each other across the wide stretch of grassland by the wildabeest...because you saw a giraffe using its big black tongue to lick the sap off of a tree...because you got mooned by a pair of Mandrill monkeys...because you've been driving for three hours and the lion--the king of the forest--is still asleep underneath the tree in the middle of the Kopies.

I'm not so good at it. I want to get better. Three weeks is a long time, and a lot of money (and a long time to be without you). I haven't been on a real vacation for a while, and I guess I'm just not in a place, mindspace wise, where I can think about it with any real appreciation, or any kind of realistic sense at all. I'm not even really sure what a vacation is at this point.. really.

I like where I am. There is a lot of potential--a lot to learn, and even more to discover. I am happy...we'll see. =]

(I miss you..still.)