The Sun Shines Again!--The Return of the Jen!

Small minds discuss people; Mediocre minds discuss things; Great minds discuss ideas. I have been very small minded lately. Not that I have said anything that I would not say/have not said openly, freely and happily to anyone's face, but I have been small minded all the same. I am done.

Happiness abounds!! Finals are over!!! A few things I'm happy about: I saw Lulu on Sunday, who is by far one of my favorite people ever (and who I am therefore beyond petrified to talk to) and inspires me to be more then I am; Alex got the part of Puck and I got to see a spark fly out from the lighting of the same little candle that was lite in me 5 years ago (geez..I can speak in five year increments...that's..wow...); the Dumple magically appeared at the end of the show and I almost exploded (and now he can keep milk in the new fridge!); Annie went to auditions and gave quite possibly the best cold read I have ever seen in my entire life; Brit got the part she dreamed about; Andrew got the part he was afraid to hope for; Tiff has no more school; and I, well, not only did I get to sit quietly at the back of the room and watch it all happen, I also go invited to play with everyone. And what's more, I rediscovered something amidst all of the talk of bad casting and resume building that I almost forgot:

Five years ago (again with the increments..) I was cast as Hippolyta in A Midsummer Night's Dream (which now means that I have been cast as every female lead in the show except Titania--has a nice ring to it doesn't it?). I had wanted Hermia. It was the first show that I had auditioned for in which I knew what part I wanted--silly me, I never read plays before I audition for them. So when I didn't get it, I was crushed. Long story short, I fell in love with the part and knew it all and started working on bits and things to add after a week..and then, longer story short, I got moved to Puck, which I knew nothing about (besides who had had the part originally, which intimidated the crap out of me and I almost didn't do it, why I did it=longer story still)..then I fell in love with that part.. and then the entire show.. and ultimately Shakespeare in general. And several things happened in the course of that show that changed my life, but one of them happened opening night. We were in the meet and greet line--the first ever, for the first show in the building ever, the first real life theatre moment/thing ever for the entire company, we did it--cause the show almost didn't go on. And walking back into the house for notes (yes, we still needed notes..) there was someone standing by the doorway, who had been standing there the entire time, just waiting. To this day I have no idea who this person was, but as I was walking back in, they grabbed my arm, stopped me, looked me right in the eyes and said "you inspired me." And walked away. And I think I knew right then for the first time, that it did not matter whether I ever got paid a dime for any bit of the theatre that I did--I wanted to do it for the rest of my life because I believe in it. I have no idea who that person was, and I do not remember their face, or the faces of the people who said the same words to me after that, but I remember that moment. I believe in that moment. And my sink at home still has day-glow paint encrusted with glitter stuck on it from that show, and I refuse to scrape it off, because it reminds me of that moment, and I believe in that. Because I believe in giving that to other people. Because I have the opportunity to give that to other people. And if the only people I ever touch are the little old ladies who come on Sunday who can't hear a thing, or the little kids in the cast who stare goggle eyed at you because you're bigger and louder then them, or the people my age who just shake their heads and say "I don't think I'd have the guts to wear that in public," then I think that's ok with me because I believe in it, and because that is what we are here for--to serve each other and, ultimately, ourselves.

Character realization of the day: Hermia doodles. But not entirely idly, with a purpose that only she knows about. Expect a colorful set of Cliff Notes to be created at the read thru...